i thought i "woke up". but i guess i was wrong. the realisation that you dont reply my email, and the fact that you dont reply my sms-es. fuck. and i just HAD to hear -naughty girl::beyonce- in nydc just now. now i am like some fucking love sick bitch who gets all ohsoupset whenever i hear a song. but hey its not easy. 16/17th december03, the last time i stayed over at your place.. you kept playing the beyonce cd on your verycool muji cd player. naughty girl was the song i heard whenever we're in the house.. in the living room.. etc etc. and it sucks that 1 year down the road, they are still playing that freaking song. i am such a wuss.

i dont even know what i am doing anymore.
so anyway the girls came over just now and they kinda made my day. tasha is becoming such a drama girl. her actions and the things she say. kyra is showing her true self at the mere age of 2. she is so cheeky and playful. and she knows no fear. its only her second week of playgroup and she has become so outspoken. had a short talk with my sister. i guess i really should count my blessings and stop being such a whiner.

i have my parents with me.
i have 3 elder siblings who loves me. (i would like to think so!) oh wait, maybe it should be 4.. including my brotherinlaw.
i have almost everything i want/need.
i have a very cool extended family. mom's side.
i have enough shoes.
i have friends and i make them go thru my horrid mood swings.
i have friends that can actually tolerate my mood swings.
i have 2 very beautiful nieces who amazes me each time i see them.
i have a very comfortable bed.
i have a shelter. and i am not suffering from hunger or the tsunami.
i am alive and i eat well. (perhaps sometimes too well)
i have a good paying part time job.
i have nice classmates who make me laugh.
i have a God that i can turn to, no matter what happens.
i have a sister that told me outrightly that i am very dense, just because i asked her.. "jie, do i put the apple juice in the fridge with or without the plastic bag?"
i have a mom that loves me so much.. so so much.
i am healthy.
i dont have the guts to kill myself.

kor, i would really appreciate it if you could actually remember that you have a family back here in singapore.

i think i need a haircut. haircuts always make me happy. but then again, its only part time happiness. maybe if i cut my hair realllly short, it will make me happy for a longer period. say maybe 5 mins more.

if i continue to be this upset and feel so screwed till sunday..... something tells me i will blow my pay on essentials that really arent essentials.